I was recently introduced to this site – http://www.superviva.com and I love it. While I don’t go to the site regularly, I like the whole concept of the site because it plays so much into my entire life philosophy. It’s all about setting and achieving goals. Somewhere in my mid-20’s it dawned on me that my life had to be more than just getting up, going to work and earning a paycheck and occasionally hanging out and having a good time. I needed for my life to have purpose. This particular issue drove me quite insane until the good Lord opened my eyes one fateful day.

I’d settled down into this part-time teaching gig, but I was convinced that I was meant for bigger and better things. I was going on job interviews to what looked like great jobs and I knew I was qualified for them but nothing ever worked out. I asked God to give me a sign as to what I was supposed to do. Within a day or two a student who I actively disliked came to me at the end of class pouring her heart about regarding her situation. She knew I didn’t like her yet she braved my disdain to come and talk to me anyway. What happened next was a truly humbling experience for me. While we sat and talked, I realized that I had no right to judge this woman and that even though I didn’t like her, she thought that I was the only person she could turn to in her moment of crisis. I know it sounds hokey but as I was listening to her – I heard a voice as clear as day in my head say – “this is why you need to be here, this is your purpose.” I’ve been working at the same place ever since and never regretted it for a single day.

I’m glad to say that the student persevered through her obstacles and graduated successfully. She came to see me a few weeks ago for a recommendation to go on to her her PhD in Eduation. She’d had a Master’s when she first came here and now was moving on to realize more of her dreams. When we sat and talked she reminded me of that night when I sat with her and helped her through that rough patch. She told me how much it meant to her and I had to tell her that I was grateful to her too because she was the reason that I’d continued teaching and continued to be at AiFL to this day. What touched me most was when she told me how proud she was of me because she’d known me when I was but an instructor and now here I was as the Assistant Dean.

Ever since that experience, I’ve tried to live each day and find my purpose in being here. I come from a family of very accomplished individuals. Lot of nurses, doctors, pharmacists, lawyers, and high ranking education officials. It was made very clear to me from I was very young that I was expected to be a high achiever. I think that’s the reason I rebelled in prep and high school. I was a solid B student. It wasn’t until I reached Commercial/Secretarial school that I began to distinguish myself. I am to this day the only student who attended Alpha Commercial College to straddle both the day and evening shift. Day shift students were beginning and intermediate and evening shift students were advanced. You could only move to the evening shift once you accomplished certain goals. So once you moved over shorthand and typing speeds of a certain limit you went to the evening shift but that usually coincided with other skill sets. I managed to accomplish shorthand speeds of over 140 wpm way before I was supposed to – so in order to still work with me I had to straddle two shifts. My first of many firsts.

I didn’t really over distinguish myself in college but I did manage to graduate with honors and on my mother’s side, I’m the second person in two generations to earn a Master’s degree – my only other cohort is my second cousin, Hal. After graduating with my Master’s at 26, it seemed like I spent the next four years flailing around at various jobs. Those were the most frustrating years of my life until I had that ephiphany moment. Once I accepted that this was my purpose – everything began to fall into place. I started a relationship that seemed like it would work and since then I feel like I’ve been living a fairly charmed life.

I have a girlfriend who thinks I’m obsessed with numbers and my age and to some extent I am, but not in the way she thinks. As a marketer and a teacher of marketing, I always explain to my students that objectives can only be objectives if they are measurable and have a time frame so to tell someone that you want to be financially independent is great but it certainly ain’t an objective. To make this an achievable objective – you have to state your plan clearly and concisely which would be – By age 40, I want to be debt free and financially independent because I’m self-employed with a net worth of say $2 million. Because I think like this, numbers become very important to me. And my age becomes part of that equation, I use my age as a measure of many things – most of all – I use it as a gage of (a) reaching my objectives and (b) measuring what I perceive to be my personal successes.

Contrary to any opinion, I have no problem with my age. I like my number because I’ve enjoyed every phase of my life thus far and I can look back of my life and look at each “age” milestone and my accomplishments. For me this is huge because I’m validating myself each year. My entire life I feared getting up one day and looking at my life and realized that I hadn’t accomplished anything and that my existence on this earth impacted no-one and that if I hadn’t been here, it wouldn’t have mattered. For me success means that I make a difference in someone else’s life. This is what superviva made me look at. I realize how many people out there think just like me – measuring their life success through their life achievements.

I try not to compare myself with anyone because each person has their own journey to make and need to get to their destination in their own time. But I remember growing up my mother always telling me that you should always look at what others are doing and how they are doing it and looking to see if anything they do has value and try to emulate that. For the longest time, I was the “baby” in everything I did and so I was always emulating. I realized that these people took their responsibility to me very seriously. I am so grateful for those people because they helped me mold my life into who I am now. It certainly hasn’t all been a bed of roses and I know what it’s like to fall flat on my face, but it’s only after being down, that rising up and attaining your goal makes you know the smell of sweet success.

Then I became the one who was “older” than everyone else and I always felt it. I thought differently, I felt differently and I acted differently. There’s a guy I manage who I’m only a year older than he, but I feel like there’s a 10-year chasm between us because we approach life from such divergent points. I constantly had to remind myself during these times when I was frustrated and exasperated; when I looked at how some around me were frittering away their lives and experiences, with seemingly no idea how to pilot their life to any sensible destination, that my life experiences made me feel much older than many of those I was around; and, that I had no right to judge anyone because each person had to pilot themselves to the place where they were meant to be.

The first time I sat down and took stock of my life, I was 25. It was the beginning of a 5 year odyssey that I took myself on. I first began by removing certain negative people and forces from my life. By the time I’d achieved this goal – I was 27 and began working on my spirituality and trying to be the person that I wanted to be. I spent mountains of money on self-help and spiritual books. Then I began spending a lot of time alone and being comfortable with being alone and knowing that I didn’t need to have friends or anyone validate me because I was enough just being me. When I was doing this, I also asked God to send me someone to share my life with.

I remember reading Chocolate for a woman’s soul and it was the most enlightening experience I’d ever had. One of the stories in there talked about finding someone to share your life with. First you can’t attract your dream man if you aren’t his dream woman. So I made a list of all the attributes I wanted in a man and then set about trying to become that same person. The laws of the universe are quite simple – like attracts like so if you want something then be that something and that something will be drawn to you.

I like to think the planets all aligned and that I find the person I’m meant to be with. There are many days when I don’t think so and then others when I know so. I think we have many more miles to journey together before we both find the place where we need to be and we have many humps and obstacles to overcome but I’m sure if we focus in a united front on our destination, then we’ll get there – tired and rumpled by joyful and fulfilled.

I began measuring my accomplishments at age 25 and in the last 12 years – this is the count.

25 Bought my first car
26 Graduated with my Masters in Public Administration
27 Become the Registrar at FIU
28 Became an educator
29 Became engaged
30 Got married
31 First black female chair at AiFL
Youngest female Chair at AiFL
Youngest Chair appointed at AiFL
32 Bought my first house
33 Gave birth to my son
34 Supported my mother through her stroke.
35 Became the youngest Dean at AiFL
Became the First black Dean at AiFL
Became the first black female Dean at AiFL.
36 Plan on being promoted to Associate Dean.

So each day I continue to get up and look for my purpose in being. Recently I took an afternoon off of work because I wasn’t feeling well and went home and watched TV. I realized that my stomach ache had all happened because I needed to be home to see that program. I don’t believe in coincidence but I do believe in divine intervention and the universe knowing where I should be at all times and engineering me to be there because I have a plan and all things are aligning for me to achieve that plan.

That day I learned how powerful my words were. I’d always known that I needed to be careful of the words I uttered because they were one of the most powerful things I possessed. If I said I was “broke.” The universe doesn’t hear that I have no cash. It hears broke and doesn’t know what’s broke – it just knows that Sue is broke….so that can lead to broken heart, broken spirit, broken mind. This means that I always need to speak with a purpose.

What I learned that day was the most powerful thing ever. In order to embrace something new, you have to relase that which is old. It sounds simple, until you stop looking at it metaphorically and take a literal view. If I’m holding an armful of dirty sheets and you want to give me clean ones – I can’t get the clean ones until I let go of the old ones. WOW! What a powerful image. That one thing blew me away. In the middle of the program, I looked up to heaven and smiled an said – “so this was why I needed to be home today.”

My New Years’ message talked about finding my purpose and joy each day and I will get up each day and try to remember that. Whenever I find it difficult, I will try to rise above myself and remember that. I will remember that that which does not add to my joy can only serve to make me stronger and add to later joy. I will remember that I am a joyful powerful being made in the image of my creator and that I determine the destiny for my life. I will remember that I have a purpose and that each day, I must live that purpose to it’s utmost because to do so is to live a false life and will not lead to my joy.

So today I look at myself at 36 years 5 months and know that I must rejoice in my number because none of these previous revelations did I really get at 31 , 32 or 33…but at 36 years and 5 months, I do. That it’s a huge accomplishment. But what is exciting to me is knowing that at 40, 45 and 50 – even greater revelations are in store for me and so I’m so excited about that. I’m always joking about my slow slide to 40 and it’s not with regret or sadness that I think about this – I joyfully anticipate what life has in store for me. At 40, I should be able to stand in front of ME and know that I’m okay and I’m fulfilling my life purpose and joy. Once I’m doing that, I’m fine. I also plan t throw a huge party because it’s a big milestone and yet another chance for me to sit and align and ensure that all is well with ME.

Anybody who says “age is just a number is so wrong.” Age is just a number on the calendar telling you that time is going by – but what are you doing with that time? Now that’s the rub! Are you fulfilling your purpose or are you simply here for yourself? Are you making the world a better place or just feeding off it like a parasite? So while I understand that my friend feels I’m obsessed with my number, I hope she someday understands that my obsession is essential to my life and my personal success because it is the yardstick by which I measure the fruit of my endeavors.

I love having female friends who are in their 40’s and 50’s. They never question my obsession with my number because they understand the path I’m on – but that that’s a function of the women I surround myself with. A few years ago, this would have seemed so strange to me – but now- it all seems to make perfect sense. They have lived what I’m living now and encourage me to embrace what I’m experiencing. They look at me and smile fondly because they know that there are struggles and tribulations and that on the other side is strength, resilience, success and joy. I think that’s why I love these women as much as I do. Their wisdom helps guide me on my path of discovery. I realize that they are for me the mentors that I am to my students and colleagues in their 20’s. It amazes me when someone who is 26 comes into my office asking for advice on how to accomplish what I have done professionally. I realize that to them, where I am seems miles away from where they are. It is humbling to sit and offer advice and guidance, because ten years ago, I was the “young grasshopper” seeking the same advice from others.

A few years ago, a young professional woman in her late 20’s told me she was getting married. I was thrilled for her. She looked around my office and asked me how I did it. She said she knew that I was married and had a young child and still managed to climb the corporate ladder. She too wanted to do the same thing and asked me if it was worth it. I told her, it most certainly was. I explained that I too had toyed with the idea of not returning to work after my son was born but financially, that was not an option. But once I’d found him good care and returned towork, I realized that while it was not easy it was certainly doable, especially if you had a supportive partner. I explained to her that I was a better parent because I was personally fulfilled and that if I hadn’t had my career, while I’d have been around more, I wouldn’t have been as committed to parenting as I probably was. She’s since then, gotten married, had a child and done magnificently. I’m proud to have had a part in that. All part of my purpose.

My dream is to become a Life Coach and be self-employed and financially independent. That is my dream. I know that every experience I have is leading me in that direction and I embrace each one. So each day I arise to greet the day and fulfill my purpose and my joy because I know that in doing so, I’m moving closer to my dream.